What if Bella never jumped off the cliff? Edited
by MCRRockMyWorld
Summary: This is my view of what would have happened for a while if Bella never jumped off the cliff and Alice never came back. However things have taken a totally weird and dark turing...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and anything to do with Twilight and nor do I want to. That is Meyers amazing talent.

"But I love you Bella" said Jacob in his cocky voice. He was starting this conversation again.

"Jake, you know how I feel about this and we are just friends" why did Jake always have to start this? Just as I was starting to feel my ray of sunshine come back he always had to remind me of the fact that I wasn't alright… but he was always the one I could depend on. I had hurt him so much, but he always came back. He WAS my Jacob. My Jacob and I loved him so much! I just wasn't in love with him. Jake was the one person that made it all go away and the one person I didn't have to force a smile and stop the tears. I didn't have to use my walls of pretence. He could see right through them anyway. He made the pain go away. Ed-

"Bella!" Jacob awoke me from my thoughts. "Are you alright?" He could see the tears welling up again and I hated it that I always hurt Jake with my thoughts. I wish I could love him like I should.

"Bella!" He sounded worried now and I still couldn't bring my thoughts away from him. I can never be whole again, but Jacob fixes that hole. He doesn't remove it, it is there to stay but he makes me see that maybe he wasn't my whole life and I could live like a normal 'human'. I hated using that term, because when is anyone ever human?

"I feel like I don't belong here" I said what I had been thinking and Jake's huge shoulders drooped. This was it.

This was what I had been waiting for. I had finally pushed Jacob away forever. My Jacob. "I understand Bells" I didn't understand that. "You were thinking of him again weren't you" it amazed me that Jacob knew not to say his name. He knew so much about me and all I knew was his name. I had never felt as happy as I was with Ed-. I sighed. He knew me and my life was set out. I was going to be a vampire. Alice had seen it. My life was there in front me and yet it had been taken away by the one person who brought it to me.

"You were a mess Bella" He was angry and I could see him shaking violently. He held himself calmly. "Bella! You have been like a… like a… well… a zombie for these past few months and the way Sam found you" I knew he was going to throw that back in my face. "Well you haven't changed a bit since then and your smile. I think that sometimes I can see the remains" and that is always when I see him as my Jacob "It's because of me Bella. I know that smile is for me. But you have been a wreck. I see the pretence waning whenever Charlie mentions any of them and I can see the tears brimming" so he had seen. I was so stupid for thinking I could hide that from him. He knew me best and at that point I pictured myself kissing this man. My man. My Jacob. One where I didn't end up going to the emergency room.

He smiled and for a minute I thought he knew what I was thinking. But he saw my smile and I knew it was the real one. "I love you Bella"

"Why do you always have to do that? You ruin it Jake. Just as I think I could start to tell you, you ruin it."

His face hardened and I could feel him shaking this time. I had my hand on his soft warm (easily one o eight/one o nine) arm. He didn't flinch away from my cold touch - as it was the hand James had bitten all that time ago. It was my favourite mark. He looked down at me and I knew what he was going to do next. He tilted his head to the side and in those warm eyes I knew he knew I wanted it too. He got closer and closer and I still had time to slap him once more but I couldn't bring my hand from his lower arm. He was so muscular. Way to muscular for a 16 year old boy, but then he wasn't a 16 year old boy was he? He was a Quileute werewolf and in this instant I envied Emily for being the wolf-girl and me the vampire-girl. Could Jake be my mythical fix? Could he live up to the standards set by Edward? And then it came _kiss me Bella_. It was that soft velvety voice and I knew it was an hallucination.

Jacob came closer and closer and yet at the same time it was Edward too. Was I sick for thinking this? Jacob's lips touched mine daring me to kiss him back. _More than that Bella. I know you want to_. Was I kissing Edward or Jacob? Jacob's kiss was so rough and yet it was passionate and I did want more. But not for Edward for me. I wanted Jake close to me.

"You can do better than that Bella" and it was Jacob I heard this time and I wanted to do better than that. His eyes widened and he placed his huge hands on my hips and I looked at him with longing in my eyes. Was I ready for this? Did I want Jacob or was I still looking for the voice of Edward in my head? But I can say his name now. I hadn't realized. Jacob was looking at me and I knew he loved me. My eyes locked with his and this time I felt it. I felt that Jacob could lose himself in a way Edward never could.

"You Don't have to do this Bella" but I wanted too. I knew now that I had been holding back - wanting Edward so much it hurt in places I thought could never feel pain. But I loved Jacob and always had. I realized now that it was Jacob I wanted every time those ice cold hands touched me. I knew Jacob since I was little and he was familiar and I loved him. I also loved it that he loved me too. "But I want to Jake. My Jacob. You always have been" and he saw my spark fly back into my eyes and smiled and for the first time in a while I felt the muscles around my mouth, awakened by my Jacob. He started to slip away and I knew I had to say something. I stood on my tip toes and he bent down to listen "I love you!" I whispered in his left ear.

"I knew you did Bella!" I felt it deepen, The feeling I had pushed aside the feelings I had for Edward. It was clear as day me and Jake had imprinted.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up sweating and it was only 05:30. I groaned and turned over to find my personal space heater laying next to me. "Jake," I gasped. "His eyes opened instantly, "What? What? What happened?" He said groggily. Obviously not a morning person. I wondered how on earth I had managed to sleep through his snores now I was awake. As soon as he realized who had awoken him a huge smile spread across his face. Making him look almost like he was before his terrible fate had found him. But I was starting to learn that I had changed and Jacob had too. His wide grin made me sigh. _My Jacob. _I knew why he was smiling and for that same reason my face spread into a huge grin too (that hadn't happened in what felt like a life time).

And then it hit me. "What about Charlie? How did you get in? Victoria might try if you can. Ohhh Jacob she'll smell you and come after you too." He lay there wondering for what felt like hours but I didn't mind because he was my sunshine and time spent without him was time left in the dark. "That blood sucker won't get at me and as long as I breathe she wont hurt you." And he meant that in the literal sense. "Charlie doesn't know a thing" He smiled with his cocky grin this time. "And besides he loves me Bells. He won't hurt me.".

His head tilted and my head turned further to face him and then his warm lips were on my mine. And my lips were holding their own once again. Something they had never done with Edward. And once again I found myself comparing Edward to Jacob but it was different. I loved it that Jacob never had to worry about losing control.

We both heard Charlie creak across the hall and Jacob had jumped out the window before I could even say goodbye. It still surprised me how quiet and quick Jake was. My door opened and I jumped out of bed ready for the day ahead. Charlie smiled and my phone buzzed on my dresser. How had that got there I wondered? Jacob must have retrieved it. I'm coming around in 10 minutes so you can officially introduce me to Charlie as your boyfriend. And I hope my being half-naked doesn't bother you. I blushed and hoped Charlie hadn't noticed. "Jacob's coming around in 10 minutes" I told him and remembering to sound like the daughter "If that's ok with you?" He nodded and beamed. I knew this was what he wanted. Was it what I wanted? Did I still wonder if the Cullen's were ever coming back? Was Edward going to be with them? Would I ever hear that soft velvety voice again? Would I ever see that handsome frame and old fashioned face? Would I smell him? Would I feel his coolness again?

My pondering over Edward left me 1 minute to change for Jacob and I decided upon the cream pants and purple blouse. I left my hair to hang around my face without any part of a tree in it. I beamed and bounded downstairs to answer the door to Jake. Charlie had beaten me to it. Jake stretched out his hand and said "Charlie, me and Bella are together now" it wasn't a question but Charlie replied "Good on you Kid." Jacob continued with a small wink at me and said "I promise never to hurt her and I will look after her forever. Please may I take her over to La Push today".

I loved the authority in Jacobs voice. "Bella" he looked at me and offered his hand. "Fancy going down to the reservation?".

*

We walked into Sam and Emily's place like we had been there forever. "Finally! You can stop moaning now Jacob" I heard Paul shout. He was such and idiot. But I felt Jacob shaking and he burst into a werewolf right in front of me. I thought he had it in control by now. Him turning into a wolf didn't help matters. "Calm your self Jake." Embry said and Quil replied "Yeah Jake give it a rest. We don't need to see this everyday." Jacob fazed back and took an extra pair of cut-off sweats from his pouch around his ankle and out them on as though turning into a wolf and biting your best mate was perfectly normal. Paul did the same and his mark had healed already. Sam had more dignity and changed in his and Emily' bedroom.

Sam looked younger than ever. And it suited him, I could defiantly see what Leah's problem was. I was turning into a right wolf-girl. I even understood what these La Push girls felt like around their oversized men. My Jacob was smiling his special warm smile at me and looked right into my eyes. He started to bend down towards me and everyone else faded. Paul threw a pillow at him and said "Give it a rest. Jacob growled and my cheeks felt hot again and I went and sat on the sofa next to Seth. This kid always reminded me of Jacob and I smiled at that thought.

It was strange how the wolves could flip from one mood to the other so easily and I always seemed locked in my state of numbness. Except it was worse than that. I…I felt… like something was missing and now my sunshine was here and I beamed at Jacob from across the room. He was watching me with misty eyes and I loved him. I would have welcomed numbness compared to the hole I felt and the misery I had suffered. Jake bought all that back and I hadn't suffered the nightmare last night. Was that because Jacob slept next to me? Was it because he was near me and he took everything away. I hoped he wouldn't leave me. I hoped with all my might. And as if Jacob had heard me he came over and sat next to me and whispered in my ear, "I won't ever leave you Isabella Swan. I love you so much and I want you to know that. I wont leave you Bells." I lifted my head and pecked his lips. Jake stood up and took us to our meadow. I never thought about it as mine and Edwards anymore. But I still felt his presence.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: This chapter is a little short, but your help would be fantastic!!! I would be eternally grateful!!!

_1._ "Yesterday Bells. Everything inside me came undone as I stared at you when you kissed me back. Your porcelain face as your love for Edward ended. You my 'wolf girl' Bells. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was-my love for my father, my loyalty to Sam's pack, the love of all of my bothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my _self _- disconnected from me in that second-_snip, snip, snip_-floated up into space.

I was not drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables all tying me to one thing-to the centre of the universe.

I can see that now-how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to that place where I stood and we kissed. I had to make it work Bells. I had to make it stick. So I took you to the meadow."_1. _He spoke from his heart and my grin was back. It wasn't cocky it was meant for me and I loved that Jacob was mine and I was his. I wasn't afraid of Victoria anymore. Jacob would be beside me and he would protect me. He looked at me awaiting my answer. "We've imprinted, haven't we?"

"I think I need to talk to Sam" he smiled again and I understood the hurt in his eyes. He was afraid I would go back to Edward if I ever had the chance and I was afraid of him ever leaving me for a girl who never hurt him.

*Clap* *clap* *clap* "Well done Jacob." Was Victoria back? That wasn't Victoria. It was a voice I remembered. It was- "And how long did it take you to steal my girl Wolf" Edward's face had a sudden pain cross it and Jacob was laughing. "What are doing Jacob?" I almost screamed. My feelings for Edward had returned. How can I have imprinted one man, but be in love with another man. That was the answer. These creatures were not men, were they? "Just giving him a dose of what pain that he deserves Bella. Letting him see what you were like before you found me".

"Stop it" and I did scream it this time. Jacob's face hardened and Edward relaxed. This was what I wanted, wasn't it? I had fantasized about the both of them the first time I kissed Jacob. But it was Edward's whose arms I wanted to run into now. It was those cold hands I longed to touch me. That would hurt Jacob so much and I really didn't want to do that. Would the imprint hurt him, if I broke it?

I stood there staring at the two of them and I felt the whole returning. Except now it seemed even bigger and harder to close. How is it that every time I seem to pick myself up I fall even deeper and even quicker than before? I'm finding it harder to pick myself back up and I don't think I could do that to Charlie again. What would my mom think? She would tell my which way to turn and where to go. I wish I wasn't in Forks. I want to be back in Phoenix. Right there and then I couldn't take it anymore. My eyes filled with tears and those stupid streaks flowed down their 'too familiar path'. How longer could I be like this for? I gave a huge sob and both pairs off mythical eyes snapped up at me. And for the millionth time I knew that Edward was wishing he could read my mind, so he could help me. But I didn't want him to know what I was thinking. I didn't want him to know my dilemma. He hurt me so much; he left me and said he didn't want me. Does he want me now? Just because I was with someone else…

I started to run but knew that both men would follow as quickly as they could. "Leave me alone!!!" I roared and shock the whole forest. I scared myself with my own authority. But it had worked they both turned the other way and huffed off into their own lives. To escape me, but I couldn't escape them. I could never leave them. But which one I wanted I did not know. I was now sprinting through the forest eager to get home and into my bed so I would never have to leave it ever again. What would Charlie think of me now? Would he make me go home? After all this time I still though of Phoenix and I have been unhappy ever since I came to this stupid town. I tripped and fell over, got back up and tripped again. I stayed down this time. Wanting the ground to open up and take me. I don't want to be here anymore and then I fainted. The heartbreak was too much and I couldn't go on. Where was I going to go? Who would I chose? What would I do now? I had no where to turn. Angelina? Nope! I couldn't bring her into this. I had to do it alone. WHERE DO I TURN?

Authors Note: Which way will Bella go? Your help would be mightily appreciated… (Vote on which way she should turn!!!)

_1. _Page 360 of 'Breaking Dawn' with a few tweaks to fit Bella and not Renesmee.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: Wow I didn't realize I would get many responses to my question so I decided to get to work straight away!!!

My eyes started to flutter daring to open, but then I heard two people talking. "It's you fault she is here!" a cold hearted, but rusty round the edges, voice said.

"What did you just say dog?" I knew who that was.

"You heard me clear enough with those oversized ears and overlarge nose, which you stick everything into. This is the second time she has been here because of you bloodsucker" my mind started to awaken but the gnawing pain in my heart was still there.

"Listen mongrel. Don't you tell me things I have and haven't done" Edwards voice cracked on the last word.

"You didn't like that, did you Edward?" Jacob spat the last word and I'm sure if he knew I was awake he wouldn't have said his name because he knew how much it hurt me. I thought it had gone. I thought my sunshine was going to make everything ok again and he did for a short while. Until Ed- Ed- Rippling pain seared every part of my body reaching places I never knew could real pain.

"No" Edward's voice was solemn and in control. I hated seeing that mask.

Jacob began to smile, I saw this through my lashes and he was my Jacob again. The 16 year old Jacob. My Jacob with my smile. "Well you did that to her"

"I know. I know" and he was on his knees know sobbing, if he had tears to shed the floor would be covered (even in the short space of time) "I wish I never left wolf boy. I have hated everyday and I knew I hurt her and I have lived that everyday until now. I see it in her eyes how much pain I caused her and when she vanished from Alice's view Carlisle warned me not to get involved but I came to see if Vic" he sobbed again "Victoria had… had gotten her" I had never seen this broken man before

"The wolves have seen to that. Sam has defeated her and her new born army. Go and tell the rest of the cold-ones that your work here is done. And leave Bells alone Edward. You don't deserve her." Jacob sounded like the older one for once. Edward's face was contorted with pain and he was no longer the man of a mask anymore. He was in tatters and my heart ached for him. I still loved him so much. I wanted him. Jacob then fell to the floor clutching his chest. "What was that?" Edward snapped. "What didn't I see? What are you hiding" I felt the aggression coming off him in waves and wondered what had caused Jacob so much pain. It was me. It had to be me. I was the only one who ever caused Jacob pain. My eyes opened at this and both men looked at me. Pleading with their eyes.

It was the time to make my decision and with this I wouldn't look back again. "Bells" Jacob said. A smile playing across his face. "You're alright!" he almost shouted.

"What happened" I said before had even thought it.

"You've--"Jacob started.

"You tripped **Bella" Edward emphasized my name as if to prove a point to Jacob.**

"**She has been through more than that. Your heart stopped working Bella, and we thought… well we thought you weren't going to wake up"**

"**Why?" I asked. Although I knew perfectly well. It couldn't cope anymore. I cant handle any more pain.**

"**I don't know" Jacob and Edward said in sync. And I knew my choice was getting nearer and nearer. The strings of my heart were pulling one way but it longed for another. It longed for the path set out for me. The one in which it would last for eternity and Jacob dropped to the floor again.**

"**I just lost balance that's all" Jake struggled to say. It was more than that because I felt his pain along side my own when her fell. **

"**I love you Isabella Swan. I never meant to hurt. I wanted to part on a clean break. It was for the best. I see that I was wrong now. I never should have left. And I knew I would always return. Even if it was just to convince myself that you were doing ok without me. If you were I promised myself I would leave you alone and never look back .But that isn't true Bella. I would have come back again and again, just waiting for this mongrel to hurt you. I would have waited. I didn't mean to hurt you I'm sorry" he spoke from his heart. His cold dead heart, but I wanted the same cold dead heart. He didn't want me. He told me so. I was just to pass the time, like all the rest. He didn't care but the longing increased and I could sense Jacobs's pain. It had something to do with the imprint. Every time it got nearer to breaking the more pain Jacob felt. So now it was physical pain as well as emotional that I was causing him and those tracks traced the path along my cheeks again. I felt them everywhere and I don't think I'll ever have enough power to make them stop. Im just not strong enough. It was warm arms that felt their way around me, my personal space heater. We were more than friends and the universe wanted us to be together but I wanted Edward too. I was lost in a world I knew nothing about and my sob sounded louder than ever, but my sunshine didn't let go. He was always there for me no matter what. The imprint would not break. I would not let it. I decided to take this path for the rest of my whole because the other one I had planned walked away from me in a direction I didn't want it to go. I was like Charlie. Once I chose a path I stuck to it and I would choose this one.**

"**You're sorry?" I managed to say. It was so strained but my anger over the past few months flared. "You're sorry? Sorry that your dinner walked away more like. Mike told me you looked at me like I was something to eat" I couldn't believe I was using Mike Newton to hurt Edward. I saw the pain in his eyes and my longing increased further but the whoosh of Jacob's pain intensified too. Edward paced. Contemplating on what to say next. I'm sure of it. He looked at me my heart melted and the monitor made a beeping sound. We all ignored it. I couldn't cope with any of this anymore.**

"**Bells I know you love him. But I won't very you. I promised and I don't break my promises" he shot at Edward. "If you chose him I will still there be. We can be friends" I knew how much that hurt him to say. But I wouldn't hurt Jacob anymore. I wouldn't put him through it anymore. I was meant for him. It was written in the stars. "I love you Jacob, promise not to leave me and I wont ever go away"**

**The look on Edwards's face of tormented and that would haunt me forever but I couldn't open up to him again. I wouldn't let myself be that vulnerable. Jacob could fill the whole in my chest by a simple smile. He was always around when I needed him. I needed him now. And I needed him forever**

"**I shall leave Bella Swan. You won't see me again. I can't come back. You understand that don't you? I can't." he left with that.**

**Jacob stepped away and I started to cry worse than ever. I held my arms around my chest; holding everything together and Jacob came and sat next to me. I wouldn't let him touch me. I couldn't have him that close when all I wanted to do was drop to sleep and never wake up. I didn't want this pain anymore and I'm unsure if Jacob can peace me back together again after this. I sat in my bed for what felt like an eternity, tears streaming and streaming all the while seeing Jacob's face look at me as though I had made the wrong decision. He won't see me like this again. He won't see me shed a tear for Edward. He can't see my hurt again. It would break him. My Quileute wolf. My Jacob. He felt what I was thinking and came closer to me. He squeezed and sobbed. He kissed my hair and I fell into his over large arms. He cradled me and rocked me back and forth whilst strangled noises escaped my mouth and my throat felt raw with too much feeling. My heart was not fixing, it was just numb. **

**And then I fell into an uneasy sleep, dreaming the same old nightmare where I was lost in the woods and couldn't find a way out. My heart was split and felt like it was weeping. I woke up and my eyes hadn't stopped leaking. My pillow was too wet to fall back to sleep.**

**And the next thing I remember was sitting in Biology in front off Mr. Banner not knowing how I got there and IF I could have got there without Jacob. He was my rock, my star, my everything. I could face anything as long as I knew he would never leave me**

**Authors Note: Corny ending I know! And she just had to choose Jacob didn't she?**


	5. Chapter 5

I headed outside after the last bell and wondered if I should go down to the reservation to meet Jacob. And the rest of the wolves (I added as an after thought). I missed them so when I was here in dreary Forks. Just to check. I looked up and noticed specks of water falling room the sky. I had become so accustomed to the rain, I shivered, that I didn't even notice it soaking me anymore. It was different up in La Push, so sunny and bright and everyone felt like a family. I would be graduating soon. I wasn't sure about college… I had, had my life planned after high school, but it had all changed. Mike Newton court up with me and put his arm around my shoulders. Would he never get that I just didn't like him that way? I saw Jessica stalk past glancing in my direction and then giggling with Lauren. So she had turned over to that side then? How long ago had that been? I looked at the back of their heads and noticed that they were both sporting new hairdos since the last time I had noticed. They had probably sported many different hairdos since the last time I had noticed

I felt bad that I had been in a 'Zombie State' as Jacob called it. That patch in my life led me to be so alone and I had pushed everyone away. I only recently started talking to our table again and Angela was so kind and smiled warmly at me which spoke how truly happy she was and how much she had missed me. But Mike took it to mean that I was back and it was time for him to make his move again. I brushed his arm off me and looked at him, "Mike, We're only friends. You know that don't you?" I looked up at him in suspicion as he smiled.

"Yeah I know that Bella. I'm so happy you got over that Cullen guy" and this time his eyes fell upon suspicion. "Do you want to go to the pictures with me sometime soon?"

"Bells" I third voice interfered and I knew it instantly. It still hurt to think what it would have been like if I had chosen Edward instead of Jacob, but I was happy with my choice and I was planning to make it stay that way. I couldn't hurt Jake anymore and I felt like I couldn't be apart from him now. I basked in that feeling and almost jumped in his arms. He hugged me, his bear like hands crushing me, "Ouch Jake" I giggled as he let go as quickly as if fire was coming at him, so he didn't hurt me. He leaned up his motorcycle that I had given to him when we were just discovering our imprint. He saw me staring at it and pointed over to Quil. He was one of Jake's best friends and I still remembered what he must have felt like when Jake and Embry were turning into wolves and leaving him behind. I had once felt that way but Jacob came back. Like he always did.

My motorcycle was right behind him and I glanced at Jake who was smiling very broadly, my personal sunshine, "Fancy coming down to La Push and giving it a ride Bells?"

"What about my truck?" I loved my vintage truck, despite its thunderous sounds when I started it up..

"That's why I bough back up. Quil will take it to Charlie's for you and then run down to La Push for his watch" Wow. He had planned it. I always thought Jake was a 'go-with-the-flow' kind of guy. My stomach jumped. Was it at the prospect of what I was going to do?

Mike coughed and I had totally forgotten he was there, "So do you want to go or not?"

I looked at him. What was he on about? "Eh?" was all I could think of to say.

"The pictures, but I can see you already have plans so…" he shrugged his shoulders and started to storm off. Jacob laughed his barking laugh and I shot a glance at him which shut him up. I resolved to never hurt another guy ever again, so I wasn't going to hurt Mike Newton either.

"Hey Mike" I shouted, "Wait up. It's not that I don't like you but we are just friends, ok?" That sounded familiar. But I didn't like Mike. I was happy with Jake and my stomach jumped again at this. What was going on I thought? Erggh. I hope I wasn't coming down something. I looked in one of the school windows to make sure. Well, I wasn't looking pale. In fact my face shone and there was a huge smile spread across it. I was so use to my face putting on pretence I almost didn't recognize myself. I was glowing and I felt fantastic.

"Yes. Ok Bella." he still looked so hurt.

"Why don't you give it another go with Jessica, Mike? I know she really likes you" I winked and it seemed to cheer him up a bit. If he 'got' with Jessica maybe she would leave me alone, along with Mike. I wonder what he was thinking.

*

"I don't want to go to the hospital if I fall" Jacob was about to interrupt me "AND" I cut him off "I am going to be soo dead if Charlie sees me"

"Sure sure, Bells. I'll look after you. I will always look after you" I reached up to kiss his russet lips and got my helmet off the back off his bike and I headed towards my own motorcycle. It was smaller than Jacobs and less expensive. But that was the price I had to pay for all the free labour he had given me. I beamed even more as I remembered all those nights I had spent with Jacob and how he had brought me out of whatever I was in. I loved him for that. I was so glad we had imprinted; I wasn't worried about him leaving me anymore. My stomach jumped again. I wondered what on earth was making it feel that way, but before I knew it I was following Jake out the school gates and heading towards our usual place, for me to test out my limits (and usually end up in the emergency room). Jacob started to slow down as we got further and further to our destination. I loved the feeling here. It was calm and peaceful. I don't know why I felt that way but I'm sure it had something to do with my sunshine standing right beside me ready to help my off my motorcycle. "I can handle myself Jacob". But as it turns out I couldn't handle myself. I felt myself fall, heard the quietest cry of "Bella" and fainted into some body's warm arms.

I woke up, not so groggily, in a hospital bed with Dr. Carlisle Cullen's replacement hanging over me like a hawk. "Isabella Swan" he started.

"Bella" I corrected him and I heard Jacob's bark behind him.

"If she says that, she's alright doc."

The Doctor smiled and continued, "I'm going to bring a nurse in here to come and talk to you, is that ok?"

I looked confused but he smiled a friendly smile and gestured for Jacob to follow him out of the room. He looked at me, I nodded and then Nurse Mary walked in (well that's what it said on her name badge).

"You're pregnant!" She beamed.

What??? I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't going to become that girl. The girl who finished high school and immediately has a baby. That was not me and I wasn't going to let it become me. Pregnant? How could this be? He was a wolf. Wasn't that the whole reason behind an imprint though… To find the girl you are most likely to produce the best offspring with. I sighed at that thought and looked up at Nurse Mary full of worry and self doubt. What was everyone going to say about me. Jacob was only 16. He Hadn't even finished school yet.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: I know she got pregnant pretty quick but I couldn't think of a better way to move the story along. Sorry.

I was let out of hospital a week later , after many boring nights (and days) of observation. Alice couldn't see me anymore - now that I had chosen Jacob. I feel like I really need to talk to her. Would she tell Edward? Should I go and find her? I thought about that for a while. But I know how it would end. I would stumble around nowhere in particular for a few days and trip often and get myself lost so that I would end up having to get Charlie to come navigate me back home.

I had been avoiding Jacob since he and the doctor had left my room. I requested no visitors and a silent tear streamed down my cheek. How could I tell Jacob? He would act like a fool and quit high school. He needed an education if he was going to look after me. IF? I wondered if he would still stick by me. I was going to call Renee when I got home and I was also going to tell Charlie that I have decided to keep this baby but I'm still unsure what I want to do about Jacob. I don't want to ruin his life. I can't do that to him. He has so much to live for and not mention his 'job' protecting everyone in La Push from the bloodsuckers. Did I just call them bloodsuckers? I am changing and the world around me seemed too as well.

As soon as I got home the phone was ringing. Charlie was at work. So of course I had to answer it. "Bella?" I heard a panicked voice at the end of line. It sounds like chimes. "Isabella Swan answer this god damn phone" and then a pixie image of a small yet very annoying vampire women crossed me mind. It was Alice Cullen. "Alice!!!" I screamed, probably damaging her highly sensitive ears.

"So you are able to talk then. I just had this vision that you disappeared without a trace or a reason why. Is anybody after you? What happened? Why can't I see you anymore? You're clouded around something I can't see"

"Erm… Alice…" I waited and she waited too. "I'm… erm… carrying Jacob's baby"

"Ok, I'll be there in no less than 3 hours" The phone cut off.

Three hours later Alice was sitting up the kitchen table with me in her arms and I was sobbing my heart out. Again. 'How can I decide on what's right? When it's clouding up my mind'*. "It's ok Bella. We can sort this out, Edward doesn't know a thing. He hasn't been around for a while but he checks in once and a while with Carlisle and Esme. Go and get yourself cleaned up before Charlie gets home. He'll be back in 17 minutes 53 seconds."

I went upstairs very shakily and got into the shower, trying to wash away every feeling I have. I couldn't ruin Jacob's life. I love him to much to do that because I am pretty sure he would stick by me. But where would that leave him? I saw myself running away, down a dark alley with a huge pregnant bump. "NO BELLA!!" Alice hissed from downstairs. It was a scary sound. I had never heard her make it before but I guessed that she really cared about me and didn't want me getting myself hurt. But the hiss bought familiar feelings back to me. My life was changed and she wasn't part of it anymore. I had chosen a different path. But she was still my best friend. She was the one I longed for whenever I wanted to talk to someone. _But she left you, along with the rest of them. She never loved you._ I won't let thoughts like that hurt my anymore. I had what I wanted and more… so I stepped out the shower and looked in the mirror at my stomach, which would soon start to expand.

Being a wolf, it was the regular 9 months to carry a baby, so the elders of the pack had told me once. This meant that I had enough time to graduate from high school. I looked into the mirror once more and looked at a different face. It was gleaming with a pride I had never felt before. I was glowing for want of a better word. I looked down my body and saw a naked torso. I loved what I was seeing. For once in my life. I was all ballooned up, not in a hideous way. It looked beautiful. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up in the mirror at a face that was smiling from ear to ear. Shining light on the whole of my life and warmth that would last forever. It is the smile reserved for me. My smile. My Jacob. He was happy for me and he didn't look like he was doing anything stupid. Had I left him in the dark for the past week? How could I hurt him again and again.

I dressed and headed downstairs to Alice Cullen. I looked at her and she seemed so different somehow. But how could that be? ? Vampires didn't change. "So here it is Bella. I have set up a bed in the living room to house my needs" I knew it was only to fool Charlie really. I loved that about Alice. She always thought of the little things. "You will explain to him when he comes home that you want to come to my house for a girly weekend. Of course you will say that Edward isn't there and it is just me and you like old times. I'll jump in and say oooh yes Charlie. I was just passing and I had to come and see how my Bella was doing. I love her so much and can't wait to catch up. We will really be at the clinic getting that" She pointed at my stomach "removed". She chimed in a voice so full of authority that I never knew existed all those months ago.

I was confused. I told her. "Alice. I'm keeping my baby."

"What?" she exploded. "We don't know what thing will do to you"

I stopped her. "Yes I" I emphasised the word I "do. The wolves have been around for years reproducing and that is what I and Jacob will be doing. The elders have told me all of their stories"

"But you have Edward now. He loves you Bella. He never meant to leave you. He thought it was for the best. We all did. I wanted to say goodbye but he told me not too. I see that was wrong now and so does he. Yu can leave the mongrel and come back to us" she sniffed the air "who evidently has been around here wuite a lot. Why was she being so harsh about the man I Loved.

"I don't love _him_ Alice. I know that's hard for _him_ to handle. But I chose my path and I am sticking with Jacob. We have imprinted and will have this baby together. I can't leave him." I rubbed my stomach. I didn't know he was a he but it was just a feeling I had. "AND I am not leaving Jacob. He has always been there for me Alice. He was my light on a day that I thought would be in eternal darkness. He was warmth when my never ending coldness wouldn't leave. _He_ hurt me bad, Alice, I just can't forgive him. I want to! But I belong in La Push now"

"Ok. I will stop with you for the duration of your pregnancy because that's what friends' do." she started to smile.

"You won't tell _him_. Will you?" She knew who I meant; I just couldn't say his name again since our last reencounter.

"He's my brother-"

"I know that Alice. I WILL tell him but no just yet, ok? I promise I will" I kept my promises and she knew that. She smiled her old smile and bought me into a cold, hard hug. "You smell much better now you've had a shower. Delicious" Her arms felt so unfamiliar but her pixie smile crept back and I smiled to. She was my best friend again. No matter how different our lives were right now we were still best friends.

The sun was shining outside and I thought I saw a rainbow glint from behind a tree but at second glances there wasn't anything there and I wondered what it was until I heard Charlie coming down the path. I was going to go to La Push and tell Jacob then we would both come back here to tell my father and maybe take a trip to go and see scatter-brain Renee. I had a good feeling about little Ciailly (Ci-a-lee) Black.

*Paramore - Decode lyrics


	7. Chapter 7

Alice and Charlie made a small hello and a quick explanation and I excused myself by saying I was going to pick up Jacob and Alice was going to 'meet' him. I left them chatting and headed out toward my beloved truck. "He's not coming back is he Alice. She wasn't the same person. I still wonder if her state of depression will return but Jacob seems to e helping with that. She's so happy now. And the screams. You should have heard the screams Alice. I can't sleep at night now thinking about them." I never really thought how much pain I had caused Charlie. I knew I had hurt him. That won't happen again. I won't let the 'Zombie' return no matter what turn my life takes. I hopped in my truck and started it with its roar of life.

I was driving down the familiar road that leads me to Jacob when I noticed a statue in the corner of my eye sitting in the passenger seat next to me. "We are a bit self-absorbed, are we not?" The statue said. I whipped my head at it and noticed Edward sitting in my truck. Edward. "Get out!" I screamed waving my arms at him. He leaned over, caught the steering wheel and moved away from oncoming traffic. "Are you really going to keep this monstrosity?" He asked with a hint of jealously.

"It is not a monstrosity. He is my baby. Mine and Jacob's and **it** _is_ all thanks to you" I smirked with. A flash of pain crossed his face but his usual performance reared not long after. "What are doing to me Isabella?"

"Bella" I automatically corrected him. "I am not doing anything to you. I love Jacob. When will you get that and leave me alone like you promised in the woods all that time ago." I stopped outside the Black's house. Jacob would hear me coming and he would also save me from this monster. And it hit me then. He was a monster, like he had warned me. He wasn't any good for me. I had Jacob and Edward (I almost sneered) was nothing to me anymore. I didn't care what happened to him. He could go to Italy and those Italian vampires could do what they wanted with him.

Jake came running out the door and I could see him shaking so violently he could barely stand. He scared me for a while and I was unsure what I should do. Should I can and comfort him or should I get the hell out of here?

"Pffft. Come on then Jacob. Come and kill me" Edward said.

"Do. Not. Do. That" Jacob replied,

"All of my family would be against you."

"Yeah well. All of my brothers would be against you"

"She doesn't love you."

"STOP reading my mind."

Pain flashed over Edwards faced. It disappeared so quick that I wasn't sure it was there and his composure was back. He had that mask over his face, so I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"You didn't like that did you?" Jacob barked with laughter. "You did that to her. You left her there. Alone."

"I know. I know. I kick myself every single day. I should never have left. I love her so much. I love you so much Bella" Edward turned to face me.

"Don't you look at her. Don't you talk to her. She made a choice and she chose me not you. Go away and leave us alone." He sounded like a typical 16 year old and his words weren't enough to rid of us of the century old vampire standing in front of me pleading his love. It was too late for that. Another painful flash crossed Edward's face.

"You can't do that for her" Jacob smiled his cocky smile. "I can. I won't ever loose control. I AM NOT a monster." What was he talking about?

"And now you have to pay the price" It was Edwards turn to laugh. It was as beautiful as ever. No! I won't think like that. I can't think like that. I love Jacob. And I am carrying his baby.

"What are you talking about bloodsucker?" Jacob sneered.

"I can hear it you know. I know what it is thinking. It wants to see his daddy and you have denied it of its privilege to meet its terrific father." Oh no. I could feel my face heating up. I had come to tell Jake about our baby and talk to him about what we should do. But me turning up with Edward in my car and him knowing about the pregnancy was not at all good in my direction. Jake would never trust me again.

"She's pregnant mongrel. She has been avoiding you for weeks and this pup" he pointed to my stomach "is yours my little friend. I wonder why she never told you" he added in his most sarcastic voice. "Is it because she thought you were to immature? She couldn't trust you enough because you're a wolf boy? She doesn't love you?"

Edwards speech was over but Jacobs vibrating increased until he burst into a wolf and lunged at Edward. Jacob howled and I knew his pack would come running. Well not his back because he was the 'beta' and Sam the 'alpha'. But the Cullen clan would soon be arriving too. Alice would see Edwards life disappearing and she would try to save him and fight along with all of the wolves.


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: I have had a terrible writers block. I couldn't think of anything but I read 'The House of Night' by P. C. and Kristen Cast and a chat with my friend. It gave me some ideas. I hope you like it. **

I was wrong. The Cullen Clan wasn't coming and only Sam arrived from the pack. Jacob had already ripped part of Edward's shoulder off. Edward was trying to keep me as far away from Jake. I think it's because he doesn't trust the wolves after what Sam did to Emily. Jacob was series now and Edward wasn't fighting back. It was as if he wanted Jacob to tear him limb from limb. He has lost the use of his right arm due to missing pieces of his shoulder so he was at an disadvantage, even if he was trying to fight. Jacob had a red gleam in his eye, making him look like a savage dog, out of control. He had snapped.

Edward was still trying to protect me and Sam had gone somewhere. It was unknown where but I'm sure Edward knew - as Sam and Jacob would be communicating between that pack telepath mind system. Edward half-circled in front of me. "DON'T KILL HIM JACOB!" I screamed, "I WON'T EVER FORGIVE YOU!" Tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheek. I wiped them away angrily as I was unaware of crying up until that point. Jacob growled, a loud fierce growl that bounced off the surrounds echoing back to us, making it twice as scary. I flinched at the sight of him and he wasn't my sun anymore. I sharp pain stabbed at my abdomen.

Jacob ran up to Edward and pinned him to the floor with a sound like thunder. He was showing all of his teeth. I had never seen him this angry before. Edwards eyes went blank and he was looking paler then I can ever remember. This was going to be the end of his life. I knew it and so did he. Jacob couldn't be stopped and Sam was on his side. I stood there. Rooted to the spot. Unable to move. "If I can't have Bella then I don't want my existence anymore, but she will hate you for this dog." His airily calm was back and he didn't look at all afraid, "and can I please just say you have the most horrid breath. You defiantly need some kind of mint." With that I dropped to the forest floor and sobbed until my heart broke out. I was imprinted with Jacob and Edward was the love of my life. I could no forget about him and the only way I was going to solve this was to forget about the both of them.

My stomach turned and the sharp stabbing pain was back, it reached my heart and the wound opened filling me with loneliness, despair and emptiness. I was much the same person I was when Edward left me. I knew now that it wasn't because he didn't love me. It was because he was trying to protect me. I don't know how I know this but it came to me and I realized I had not only hurt Jacob in all of this I had hurt myself. Set myself back. For this I would be worst. I had not only been through a darkened tunnel and managed to find my light. I had lost my light for the same person who had put me in the tunnel.

The fresh sent of charred flesh reached my nostrils and I was unable to help. I couldn't lift myself of this dampened floor. I'm pathetic. I can't even help the person I love. The only one who had ever tried t protect. Who would lose his life for me. Why hadn't he fought back? Did he really think I want him gone? And now he was gone and there was nothing I could do. Nothing!

Jacob came up to me. I knew it was him by his 7 foot height and muscular build. "Go away Jacob" I said in a nearly inaudible whisper. I couldn't bring myself to look to him. I don't know if I will see those gleaming eyes leering at me or the tender loving ones. I was afraid of both. "I did it for use Bells" He spoke, in much the same cockiness.

"What? You didn't do it for us" There was no emotion in my voice. I was unaware of even talking.

"Bells. don't be like that. I want our baby" he pleaded.

"How can you say that? You snapped and killed a man because I was pregnant."

"But Bells. I love you. I hate him." he said much the opposite to the toe of my voice, if you could call it that.

"DON'T call me that. That is NOT my name" I scared myself. My voice was filled with so much authority Jacob stepped back.

"But I love you. I want to be with you. We are imprinted. It will tear your heart not being with me." Was he really saying this to me?

"It will tear my heart knowing that you killed the man I love" my voice was back to the emotionless drone.

"I didn't mean to. It was a moment of madness."

"I don't love you Jacob. You mean nothing to me" I real detached.

"Whatever you say Bella. I will always love you. No matter what you do" his voice cracked and I was seeing a _boy_ cry. He hurt me; he shouldn't be crying for himself.

"Leave me" I rang with authority again. He stepped back and walked off. I scared him, but not half as much as I scared myself.

As I watched his retreating back I sobbed my throat soar. He won't brighten up my day again. My space heater has worn out. He was never worth it. He caused me more pain than Edward ever did. He unearthed the closed wound. He did all by himself. My stomach flipped and I was so much pain I lay on the floor. The physical pain was not a part of me. It felt different. I was a wreck. What was I suppose to do now? The tears flowed and flowed leaving train-track stains on my cheeks. I knew they wouldn't disappear easily. I want to die! I want to die! I shouldn't have to feel like this. Yesterday I had everything. Today they are moving in places I didn't want them to move. They were going away from me and I wanted one back and the other to disappear.

That's when I saw a figure move closer to me. It was like an angel, but I knew it couldn't take away the pain. Pain so unbearable it spreads to parts of me I never thought could feel pain. And this was only the emotional side. The physical was much was. What was happened to me?


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors Note: I know that the previous chapter wasn't something you expected but I really was out of ideas so I switched everything around, after reading an amazing Twilight Fanfiction I have a new obsession with Dr. Cullen. Carlisle. And he will now have a more 'upfront' part in my story. Oh and yeah. This chapter is just for 'explanations' really. Hence the cleverest Cullen having a conversation with Bella. This also goes with my other fanfic though :s**

The figure moved gracefully and slowly towards me. I knew it wasn't a normal being, it had to be a vampire. I lifted my eyes, still leaking with no sign of ever stopping, to look up into Doctor Carlisle warm, vague, golden coloured eyes, but they held so much wisdom. He pulled me up, I don't know where he was taking me. "You need the hospital Isabella" he said formally.

"Bella" I corrected him, with no emotion in more force. I didn't even care. Then I heard what he said and a fresh wave tears streamed from eyes, "NO. You can't take me there. I won't go. I won't go Carlisle."

"You've lost a lot of blood Bella" Huh? What was he talking about.

"What are you talking about?" I asked surprised.

"The baby." He looked intently at me. "I'm afraid… you've had a miscarriage" he stuttered. I was detached from this. I knew deep down as soon as the stomach pain had started. But what does it mean? I hate Jacob. But are we still imprinted? I stopped crying then. There was another reason for my anguish, the ache, the torture Jacob had caused. It hit me. Like a flying bullet. "He's really gone isn't he?" I whispered. Carlisle has a strange look on his face. I thought. I'm sure if he could have cried he would. He nodded. A short, curt nod.

"Why didn't Alice help him? Couldn't she see him?" I wondered.

"She saw him disappearing"

"But, but, but" I didn't know what to say and I _needed_ answers. I needed them from him.

"He hasn't… been around… a lot recently. Nobody knows where he has been but he has been flittering in and out of Alice's visions for a while."

"Well, how did you know where to find me?"

"You haven't been in her visions since you and Jacob" he coughed, "err, imprinted" he looked embarrassed but I didn't care. That was over now. "And well. I'm pretty sure the imprint has broken. That's why you have lost your baby. I'm sorry Bella" and he did look sorry.

"But. Why?" I was still confused. My world was turning upside down. Everything changed. Just as I thought I was starting to feel happiness again. I am not destined to be happy. There is a force that is blocking me.

"Well. I think its because he 'hurt' you so much. He never really understood what Edward meant to you. I don't think you understood how much he meant to you. You did imprint, but I think it was an illusion because you both wanted it so badly. And when that illusion cracked and broke down you lost your baby. You don't fit together right. You belongs in La Push, you belong in forks. He belongs in his pack and you belong to the vampires, I'm sire even Aro could see that."

Everything was explained. Edward had kept disappearing so nobody took him seriously, Alice could see me again because I wasn't imprinted, I'd lost my baby and I was alone again.

"But your not ok, Bella?" he looked at me again. Trying to size me up. I wasn't ok. I don't know if I will ever be ok again. "Your torn"

"I don't understand"

"You can't be on your own. I'm afraid to see what will happen if you are. Victoria and Laurent are still out there and you were sitting on a forest floor alone. Jacob will be back. I don't want to see his temper again."

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you go after him every time he disappeared?"

"He has been toying with the idea of ging to see The Volturi for a while now. He wanted death. If he couldn't have you he didn't want life." I was crying again and Carlisle held onto me trying to keep me upright.

"But didn't he know that I wouldn't want that." I gasped

"You and Jacob Black did a good impression of being imprinted. Even Alice didn't know that it was an illusion" I cried even harder and fell to the forest floor.

"Are you going to go after _him_?" I managed to say through wrenching tears.

"No Bella, you don't want that. I don't want to hurt you." he gave up trying to pull me up and sat on the forest floor next to me.

I fell into Carlisle's arm. The cold hard sensation was familiar somehow. It made me feel safe. Why are all my walls closing in? Everything is moving in directions I don't want them to move in. I feel powerless to stop it. As I start to get a bit of hope everything goes BOOM! I'm back where I started except this time I have dropped a further 10,000 feet and I did it faster. It's even harder to get back up. The emptiness can never be fixed. I realize that now. I will just fade into the mist, the background. I'm not worth it! My tears don't fall, they crash and burn.

I don't know how long I stayed in Carlisle's arms for. All I know is that I used all my tears up. My throat was dry and my yes felt like they were on fire. But my heart was torn. Carlisle WAS right. He understood me. I looked up at him for the thousandth time today only to realize that the night was upon us and there many stars in the night. It look beautiful; idyllic even. I then wanted to ask him if he ever get that recurring nightmare where you fall into the midst of darkness and no-one is there to catch you? No-one is there to bring you back you into the light. Instead you just fall deeper and deeper feeling nothing but a lurch in your stomach as your heart is shattered into a thousand pieces... and more. So alone, desperate and hopeless wishing that some one - anyone - would save you from this eternal misery but still you reach such a sadness that the sunlight seems so far away and that you're never going to reach it. Even if you try…But I got caught up in the moment as I noticed his lips pulsating at me and I kissed him. He didn't turn away

What am I turning into? I was pregnant with Jacob's dog (I snarled the word) less then… well I didn't really know and I was sobbing my whole body's water content out just … well I didn't really know that either. Carlisle deepened the kiss and I knew this was where I belonged.

**Author's Note: Review me please it really does make happy. ****J J J**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note: I've been reading New Moon again and I 3 Jacob. It's back. My Carlisle obsession over!!**

I woke up next to a cold hard vampire. Much the opposite to how I woke up a few months ago. How could he have done this to Esme? Small, perfect Esme. So full of love and warmth. How could I have done this to Jacob? And Edward? What was I to do about him? He was dead and I just spent a passionate night with his father. I wouldn't turn into this kind of person. The hole in my heart was gaping open again and it refused to stop bleeding. I can't do this. Carlisle wasn't the one for me. I needed to see Jacob and I needed to sort out what had happened to Edward. Jacob killed my one and only love. I sobbed. The tears tracing their familiar paths. "Isabella." Carlisle spoke. "That wasn't right." he jumped up, fully clothed over to the other side of the room. "One thing lead to another and it shouldn't have happened". I was full of regret too. It didn't want it to happen either but I couldn't voice that opinion. My heart felt like it was ripping out of my chest. Nothing had changed since last night.

"I need to go!" I managed to say with my voice cracking on each word and tears still rolling. I changed the quickest goodbye I could and almost ran out of the Cullen residence. It was only making things worse. I ran to my truck, although I didn't know how it had gotten here, and jumped into, making it start with a roar. The familiar sound soothed me little. My silent tears stretched into a whole sob fest. I usually saved that for bedtimes but now I just couldn't handle how alone I feel. I've lost everything. Just as I thought I could be happy my hole opens and weeps. I'm damaged and I just wonder how Jacob ever put up with me.

I started to drive when something abnormal and wrong jumped on my truck. This was a horrid de ja vu moment. I have had this happen to me before. Last year. James and Victoria. What could I possibly have following me now. Maybe I should let them get me and that way I wouldn't have a decrepit life to lead anymore, but I was to afraid to stop. I was too afraid to look at what was about to end my life, because I could feel it was about to be over. Instead I pushed my foot down as hard as I could nearly crashing into my own window with the force. My seatbelt stopped. Something pulled at my heart. It threatened to leap out of my chest at the sight and I held my sides, tight. To stop further damage.

A face was looking at me, and I recognized it straight away. But it was less perfect, less sculpted, different to how I remembered. It was feral. Wrong! That's when I smelt it. I could smell death. It was impossible. He was burnt. He was killed. He couldn't be here. I knew it and Jake knew it too. Edward was dead. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a delusion. "Isssss-a-bellaaa" it hissed. "Your doggggfriend jusst killed mee." 'mee' rose up an ovtave and his eyes darkened to a violent shade of fire. I screamed until I saw stars erupt from eyes. My throat felt dry and scratchy. I wouldn't be able to scream for a while, or talk. I would just have to stare at this malfunction of the creature that totally defied nature. My eyes widened at what I thought I could see.

"My. Name. Is. Bella." I managed to croak out. "You never called me Isabella," a hint of hysteria was creeping into my voice now.

"Ahh. Yessss but a lot has changed sssince then," the S lingered long after he was finished talking. His velvet tone was long gone.

"But.. But…" I stammered, "Oh Edward," the shock that had stopped my tear ducts for a moment released and they were welling up again. "What happened to you?"

"I lost my soul," his clipped voice replied as if he was merely annoyed. He had slid into the passenger seat by now.

"You didn't believe you ever had a soul"

"No I didn't. But I wass wrong. I jusst exist now," he was trying to control his hissing now. "When I wass a vampire, I had never died, my body just went through a change and I froze as I wass at the age of 17. Now I'm dead I have sssomething to do," his eyes shone with a blazing fire again and the hissing started. "I mussst kill that mongrel. That way I may be able to move on. He isss going to DIE! B-b-bella"

"You can't do that, Edward" I almost screeched.

"And why not? He KILLED me Bella. I would never have done that to him." I flinched at the anger that filled him. "Are you afraid?"

"No" I lied.

"Your such a terrible liar Bella, what _are_ we going to do with you?" He sounded almost like him self that I was prepared to lean into him. He sensed what I was about to do and moved away. "I can't do that Bella. I'm going to leave. I need to leave soon. Now. Once I have avenged for my murder I must go."

"But why?"

"The Volturi Bella. They will come and destroy my family if I don't go?"

_What about me? _The pain overwhelmed me once again. "What about me?" I whispered, not-at-all to low for his ears to hear. He had forgotten about me. He didn't love me anymore. He left me and I found my sun. But my sun destroyed what my the only happiness I could ever have. But then he came back. Since when did my life become so complicated? I thought looking after scatter-brained Renee was complicated but that was nothing compared to what I was living with at the moment. I have been trying to keep up with the super natural too long.

I thought I saw something flash across his face. Pain/guilt/anger. What was that? It tore apart at my seam and I was sent spiralling down a black abyss, unknowing where I would land. I was that monster that threatened to come back every time I had been away from My Jacob too long. The zombie people were afraid to talk around. The depressed daughter Charlie could not help. I gripped my chest and my breathing became ragged. The aching of my throat was exposed again., it was as though it had never left. When would this be over? Unaware of my eyes ever closing I snapped them open aware of the vile stench a mere metre away from where sat a ruined soul; a broken heart; a weeping wound.

His abrupt movement startled me, an his cold dead arms were around me, "Bella! You have to understand. I love you. I always have and will do untill my dying day. Well…" He laughed, how could he find humour in a situation like this? "Even death cannot behold the love the feel for you."

"Your lying," I mouthed. He just felt guilty about what he had done. He didn't want to see this. Nobody should have to this.

"I'm not Bella. I was trying to protect you from world. From my **own** family. You don't know how hard it was for me to lie and say I don't love you and you believe it so easily. I worse than the urge I am fighting now to go and KILL the dog".

"It never made sense for you to love me."

"But I did Bella despite the scent your blood radiates."

"Don't try to make me feel better."

His eyes flashed like fire once again, but this time it was a different intensity, "Arggh! I love you Isabella! Separation doesn't bode that well for us, look what it did. I'm dead and you hang around with a pack of unstable, adolescent, puppies. I must do this Bella. It's what I'm still here for."

"No. Don't leave."

"I have to. There is a force that's pulling me in this direction. _Jacob_" he snarled the name, "will be here any second. That's what I'm waiting for."

"No!"

"You have to know I love you and I wish I never left but I can't change that. Do you understand?"

"Yes," squeaked.

"BELLA SWAN! WHAT ARE DOING?!" My sun was running towards me. In half a stride the boy I knew and still loved despite everything turned into a huge russet coloured wolf.

"I love you" Edward pressed his lips to my forehead and I understood. The picked up then. It was weird because I didn't know it was blowing earlier. I was to wrapped up in what little life I had. Such a self-absorbed person. With a huge gust of wind Edward disappeared with a wisp. Where had he gone? Had he gone to kill my safe harbour? I couldn't hear anything. Surely I would hear howl. "Bella." The echo of a velvet force swarmed it's way around my head…


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors Note: Sorry my update is so late I have had a touch of writer's block and I have been really busy lately.**

Edward was gone. I think he's gone forever. I am not too sure what that was. It couldn't have been my imagination, because for one I'm not that good and for two Jacob saw him too. JACB! The one who fixed my hole. The one who loved me for me and didn't need me to change to show passion to me. He took me when I was broken beyond repair. He can show me things I didn't know exist. I need to learn so much about him (but I also need to learn so much about the other). The pain would never go but he made it throb less. I loved him and I knew he loved me. He always would. I wasn't good enough for him but I am too selfish to let him go. I WON'T think about Edward again. He was not the same person. He had changed. Death had changed him. Death had corrupted him. My vision blurred.

I woke up in my bed at home with Charlie by my side. I was doing a lot of waking up and not knowing where I was lately. My eyes fluttered and when I opened them, Jake's enormous head filled my vision (and he also filled my heart). 'Don't go,' I croaked. 'Don't ever go.'

'Bells…' he started.

'Bella, you need some rest.' Jake stepped back and I'm sure I saw a glistening tear slide down his face before he turned away. 'Stay here. I'll bring you something to eat. You fainted, your in shock. You have been asleep for 48 hours.' I didn't feel at all refreshed. 'Jake,' my father almost roared.

Jake stepped out the room to quietly for me to hear him leave, 'I love you.' He didn't reply so I wasn't sure whether he had heard me or not - but with those super sonic ears… I shrugged… I don't know. I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

The Conversation in the Kitchen

'I think you should go Jacob,' Charlie said. Jacob nodded. 'I know there was something weird about that Edward Cullen,' Jacob winced. 'Oh no. Not you too. But Edward never came home with her hurt. He looked after her. With you, she's, I don't know, she has spent more time in hospital with you than she has in her whole life time.' Charlie emphasized the word Edward.

'I know Charlie,' Jacob said dejected.

'But you don't. She is my little girl and you won't hurt her this way. You won't.'

'I'm sorry. I'll go. I won't come back. She loves Edward. I see that now. I know she won't ever change.' He walked out at a pace so slow snails could have gotten away quicker. He quirk in Jacob Black had gone. The smile was eternally replaced by a 'nothing' expression.

I woke up and felt as right as rain. I ran downstairs and called Jacob, he didn't answer. In fact he didn't answer for the next 2 weeks.

'Right! That's it I am going to see Jacob' I was so tired of keep getting Billy's unhelpful voice over the phone that I was going to go down La Push and she his lazyass son. Jacob was there sitting less than I metre away form the hone but he couldn't b bothered to talk to me. 'I don't think you should do that,' Charlie announced.

'I'm going Dad!' I stormed out side and fumbled in my pocket for my Chevy's keys. '_Why? _Does it always rain in this stupid place. I miss phoenix,' I said to myself blinking tears out of my eyes. I miss Renee.

I slammed my truck's door. I'll apologize after, the truck is so old I should look after it more. I all but hammered the Black's door down. I was about to throw my whole weight at the door when someone answered. 'Oh. Hello Billy.' I fell on top of him in his wheel chair. 'I'm so sorry.' I smoothed my coat, flattened my collar and shook some of the wet out of my hair. I spotted Jacob barking a laugh at some stupid thing on that stupid T.V. sitting next to that stupid Paul on his stupid flowered coach. Paul? He doesn't even like Paul. 'YOU!' I screeched. Jacob's face went white. 'What is wrong with me? What have I done. I thought you were better than that. I thought you were a different person. Why are you treating me like this?' Then it hit me. He really was fed up with trying to live with me in my Zombie state. I know I have problems, but he sprouts hair and travels on four legs. I accept that about him. Why can't he accept me. My tears were released. 'You don't love me anymore,' I hit a solid wall. 'What?' he answered. 'I don't love you.' Jacob scooped me, and my leaking eyes, up in his heated arms and took us to the bleached log next to the ocean.

'Bella. How can you say that. I love you in every way possible with everything I can.' Jacob said, swallowing his pride. I looked up at him and took in all of the 7 foot. He grows like every second. Still. 'I saw the look on your face as you stared at that monster, that abnormality of nature. I can't compete with that love. You saw everything you wanted in him and I saw some form of evil. I don't know what happened in that win. But I know he has gone forever. I can feel it within my spirit. The first ever wolf is telling me it has gone. I destroyed what you had over jealously and turned it into something corrupt. AND you still love it more than more.'

'Jake I… Jake that wasn't love. I realize what he is. I love you Jacob. I need you.'

'I am your second choice.'

'You are my only choice.'

'But I'm not.'

'I love you. I accept that you turn into a wolf. Why can't you accept my problem.'

'I accepted it a long time ago Bella. I swore to you that it mad no difference. I can't handle you loving that… that… I don't even know I name for it… more than me.'

'I don't want him, Jake. I don't won't him.' I got so frustrated that I stamped my foot on the cold, hard ground underneath me.

'Did you actual just stamp your foot, Bella. I though only girls on T.V. did that,' he barked his familiar laugh and I stepped closer to him and put my arms around hi middle. Well as middle as I can reach with him. His warm touch was home to me, the musky smell was my haven. I could still feel his low chuckle in his chest. 'This is the way it should be Jacob. I want this. I won't change my mind, I want you.'

'This is the last time Bella. I can't do it again,' his tear streams were drenching my hair.

'I don't want you too. I want it to last forever.'


	12. The End Review please!

**That's the end folks. Please review me. I want to know what you liked about it and what you didn't like about it. Also what might **_**you**_** have changed?**

**I am really sorry the last chapter took so long. I could have continued the fanfiction but I thought it was time to end.**

**I am also sorry for what I put you through by making you read it lol. It wasn't that bad, was it?**

**I changed a lot of things out of the Twilight saga. I knew what I wanted originally but it never happens like that, does it? That's why I think I am better at doing one-shots and drabbles.**

**I never had a plan for this one, I just wrote what I felt like. It was like my first ever fanfiction maybe the next one will be better. Hmm… maybe I'll have a plan. That might be better.**

**Please tell me what you think and ask your friends to read and review so I can get as much feedback as I can and make my next one better. Got any ideas for that at all?**

**Anything you have to say would be greatly appreciated.**

**Oh yeah!!! THANK YOU FOR READING IT!!! I REALL DO APPREICATE IT!!! **


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